Counting my blessings

Today started in a panic. The small group that I lead has met several weeks this semester at 6am due to scheduling conflicts. We had scheduled to meet today at my apartment at 6am. I woke up at 8am and remembered what day it was. Oops. I immediately checked my phone. No messages. Did they all oversleep as well? I texted them all an apology and wondered if they had showed, surprised that I hadn't got any calls. Well, two out of the three had shown up, knocked, received no response, assumed they had missed a memo from me, and left. The other overslept as well. Sorry girls :(. Gratefully, they are gracious and forgiving and didn't hold it against me that they got up before dawn without reward. After kicking myself for that faux pas, I hurriedly got ready for work and rushed out the door.

Work was a bit hectic today, but the kids were extra affectionate towards me, and it blessed me tremendously. Something that I have always thought is absolutely precious is when a child says to me, "I wanna hold you" (meaning they want you to pick them up). The thing is, for me at least, their statement is true. I always wonder if that child really knows that when I wrap my arms around them and they lay their head on my shoulder, they are the ones holding me and showing me that I'm treasured. One of the moms commented to me that her daughter was going to be devastated when I leave at the end of the semester. Oh, how I will miss her "holding" me...

After I left work and made a quick stop at home, I headed to Starbucks to meet Sarah to study for a bit. While we were there, some alumni were trying to access the campus wireless network and couldn't because they didn't have a password. I spent a few minutes helping them, and a little while afterwards, the man came and handed me a Starbucks gift card. I jokingly told Sarah that that is the third time in 2 days that God has answered the desire of my heart for Starbucks ;). What an unexpected blessing.

While I was with Sarah, I found out that a book I requested on interlibrary loan had come in. The exciting part is that it gives crucial information for my thesis--the draft of which is due Monday. The book couldn't have come at a better time. I was thrilled.
Later, I got to meet Ashley for coffee (once again, at Starbucks). We really haven't gotten to spend time together this semester and I was so encouraged by our conversation. Another blessing in the bag.

My beloved brother called me and I got to talk to him about things going on in his life and in mine, and he dealt with my being a little spaced out during parts of the conversation and I just enjoyed talking to him for a good while. I talked to him about some of the little blessings God had given me that day, and also about some of the things I was praying for wisdom about--a large one being a job for after I graduate.

I kid you not, immediately after I got off the phone, I checked my email, and I had an email about possibly setting up an interview for a position I applied for in the Dallas area. Whether it works out or not, I was once again blown away by the many simple things that God used today to remind me that He is faithful.

As I shared with Ashley tonight, I want to lean on the promises of God that He gives for those who seek after Him earnestly instead of buying into the false promises that sin offers me. Today was just an example to me of God's redemptive power and bestowing of grace... from waking up thinking I'd blown it... to turning in for the night feeling incredibly blessed.

Bittersweet

Today I was reminded that my time left at Baylor is dwindling... and I had to hold back tears. I'm excited, don't get me wrong. I know God has great things in store for me. I'm sad to leave, though, especially my friends. I don't like making new friends. Coming to Baylor was really hard for me because it took time to develop real relationships, and surface relationships are not my thing. If I'm honest, I'm somewhat anxious about being in that place again. But, then, I know that that anxiety is not from God, and I need to trust Him to meet my every need. Pray for me, though, please, because my heart aches at the thought of not having people to call to go to lunch with or study at Starbucks or make a Wal-Mart run. At least I'll have some of my precious family there... I won't be totally by myself, and those precious little people I'm related to can cheer my heart from pretty much any sorrow. I know. How could you not smile at this:

The Word

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does." ~James 1:22-25

I went to a Precept Training this weekend with my roommate Amanda. I was in the two day workshop on "How to Study the Bible". We learned how to really study the Bible and practiced through studying Titus and beginning to study 2 Thessalonians. I cannot tell you how good it was to be in the word. I was so challenged by the truth that people do not know how to study the Bible, and convicted that I have neglected my own study of it. I've been regaining and further developing an immense love for God's word this semester. I want to treasure it and handle it in such a way that acknowledges the authority and power of it. I want to hide His word in my heart, that I might not sin against Him, and might give Him all of the glory that He is due.

Because I meant to post this two months ago...

Per a friendly nudge to post on my blog, I realized that I never posted the essay that I wrote for a scholarship from camp this summer, which I was graciously awarded. The essay just gives a glimpse of what God did in my life this summer, and while I intended to post it right after I wrote it, somehow it never happened. So, if you're interested, here it is, from August:

Over the past year, God opened my eyes and my heart to the saddening truth that many individuals with special needs are excluded from the church. I especially noticed that families with small children that have special needs face many obstacles in attending church activities and being included in fellowship with believers due to the needs of their children. My heart was filled with compassion for families who face the unique struggles of having family members with special needs. As I desire to be a part of Christian ministry to children vocationally, I began considering and praying about how to reach out to this particular part of the body of Christ.
As a part of my degree program, I am required to complete an internship, and I was planning to fulfill the requirement during the summer months so I could continue to work during the school year. My desire was to find an experience that dealt with both working with children with special needs and also included Christian ministry. In my search for an organization to work with, I decided to search for a Christian camp for children with special needs. This search led me to Charis Hills. When I found the website for Charis Hills, I was immediately attracted to the heart of the camp to serve children who are typically excluded from regular social situations through an accepting and positive camping experience. After a period of correspondence, I was hired as a counselor at Charis Hills, and I anxiously anticipated the beginning of camp.
Now, the final camp session is only days from coming to a close, and I can hardly put into words the experience I have had over the past few months. I have had the privilege to work with staff who desire to extend grace to and encourage growth in children who struggle with social and behavioral challenges. The community and diversity among the staff of Charis Hills is incredible, and I have formed friendships that I believe will be lasting because they are based on the everlasting community that is found in Christ. This summer, I have seen children experience the grace that Christ extends us through being seen as worthwhile and praised for the good things they are capable of rather than condemned for the mistakes they make. I have learned more and more about how God deals with us as a patient and gracious Father who desires the best for us.
I have seen more of my weaknesses, in which His strength can be shown perfect, and I have had countless opportunities to choose joy in the face of hardship. I have learned that I need rest! When I am physically and emotionally exhausted, and a child is telling me that I ruined their week because they have to be in the arts and crafts activity and they want to explode, it is certainly not in my own strength that I can extend patience and explain that we will do our best to provide activities that they enjoy.
During training week, we had a time in which we were challenged to consider both what we wanted to give and what we wanted to receive this summer. One central thing that I wanted to give was the love of my Savior, and what I wanted to receive was similar: an expansion of my understanding of the heart of my God. This summer, my intention was to seek to experience the love of my Jesus so that I could extend that love to the children I worked with. I wish I could tell you the depth of the love of Christ that I have experienced this summer, but the well has no bottom.
As I leave Charis Hills, I know that the experience I have gained in working with children and working with a team of staff will be invaluable. The practical skills of knowing better how to keep the attention of children, how to recognize the motivations of misbehavior, and definitely having an expanded repertoire of appropriate and engaging activities for a variety of ages will indubitably be of great benefit to me as I continue to work with children and families. I have been blessed and encouraged through the experience of teaching spiritual truth to the children at Charis Hills through camp-wide devotionals, and have begun a journey of learning how to communicate spiritual things in an age-appropriate way. This summer at Charis Hills, I have been filled with an unmistakable peace that Christ has called me to ministry and He will be faithful to lead me every step of the way. More than anything, though, I am walking away from this summer having experienced more greatly the truth that I have and never will be unloved. I will “give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever” (Psalm 136:1).

I will sincerely try to post a more current update in the next few days...Blessings!

ADDRESS CORRECTION!!!

I mistakenly posted the wrong address for camp. Here's the right one, I hope:

Tamara Stringer
PO Box 1377
Ingram, TX 78025


I'm here and loving training so far. I'm learning a lot and can hardly wait for the kids to be here. :o)

In my heart....

I'm in Waco for less than 24 hours, and I'm sitting in my new apartment on my free couch (Thanks, Joel!) listening to music and thinking of how blessed I am. Kenley, Jenna, and Diane came to visit me my last few days in Waco and help me move into my new apartment (You guys are the best, thanks for all of your help!). Then, we convinced my roommate Sarah the day we were leaving that she really did need to come with us. So, we all high-tailed it to Florida so Jenna could make it to her 8:30 am class last Monday. I spent the past week going to Florida and back and it seems like there was little time to sit still. It was surprisingly restful and refreshing, but definitely jam-packed. Here's the rough run-down:

• Sleep in my own bed
• Mail-outs for Kenley
• Dinner with the fam, Surprise visit from Tori, One Tree Hill with Sarah
• Four doctor appointments and lots of trying on dresses
• Crispers (so good)
• Bridal shower for Jessica
• Definitely, Maybe at Movies 8 and Wendy's at Lake Ella by moonlight
• Chased my dog down in the neighborhood when he escaped
• Joined in worship led by a children's choir
• Zaxby's (Mandatory for Sarah)
• Babysat a precious little girl
• Lunch and shopping with Granny
• Toss-Up, Dominoes, and Some Good Conversation
• Saw an impressive construction project managed by a friend (you're pretty up there, Dean)
• Myra Jean's
• Visited the old and new capitol buildings, and raided the Museum of Arts and Sciences
• Steak dinner and home videos with the fam
• Cape San Blas with some cool people (Diane, Kevin, Kyle, Dean, Aaron, Janelle, and, of course, Sarah)
• Romantic dinner with Sarah at Captain Dave's On the Gulf in Destin (you're the best date, ever)
• Spent the night with a gracious family
• Church with Sarah in the car
  
• Driving, driving, driving
• Moe's and Rue 21 Stop
• Visit Lacey in Highlands
  
• Crash at Sarah's in Houston
• Fresh breakfast prepared by a beautiful woman (mmhmm, Raina's amazing)
• Searched the new Houston outlet mall for a restroom
  
• Starbucks
• Back in Waco to do some work in the apartment and regroup
  

Mmhmm, and I leave tomorrow to drive to camp! Yikes.

I have to say, though, that the past week was truly a reminder that God has put incredible people (and awe-inspiring places) in my life and far too often I don't slow down to thank Him for them. I would not be who I am today without the experiences and relationships that God has orchestrated in my life. He is so faithful. So very faithful.

And now, "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6), I will leave you in peace.

Summertime

Wow. I cannot believe that in less than 24 hours, my summer will officially begin. Where did this year go? Even though the time has flown, I can honestly say that I think God has grown me more this year than I could have ever imagined. He has taught me so much about Himself and in that shown me how far from being like Him I truly am. I hope that this year has been a year of extraordinary growth for you, but, even if it hasn't, I want to extend the challenge that my college pastor Kyle Dunn extended to us this past Sunday, our last of the semester. Use your summer to seek Him wholeheartedly.

Kyle challenged us that for many of us, the reason our relationship with God isn't where it should be is because sin is running unrestrained in our lives. (I would encourage you to check out the whole sermon on Itunes. Just search Kyle Dunn or Encounter sermons and you should find it. ) Colossians 2:20-23 says "Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility, and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." Far too often we try to restrain sin by regulations of do's and don't's. The problem is that we try to impose external solutions on an issue of the heart. We need to battle the root of the problem. I read John Piper's Battling Unbelief this semester, and I was convicted by the truth that our sin is a result of our lack of faith in the promises of God. We sin because we believe the promises that it entices us with. This will get you ahead. This will feel good. You deserve better. You're missing out. Instead, we must embrace in faith the promises that God makes us.

"'But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in Him,
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
it does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.'
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
'I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve." (Jeremiah 17:7-10).

I want to be "ruthlessly committed to walking in the ways of His truth" (Kyle's challenge) . I want to be so immersed in Him that others have a hard time finding me. What does it really look like to "do good works" in such a way that others don't praise me, but "glorify my Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16). THAT is what I want my life to look like. I am determined to use my summer to seek Him earnestly and allow Him to transform my heart and my life to reflect Him more clearly. I pray you will join me in pursuing Him with renewed passion.

Now that you know somewhat the attitude I am entering the summer with, I would like to share more with you about where I'll be this summer. I'm really excited, because I know God is going to rock my world. May 27th, I will begin training to be a counselor at Charis Hills, a camp for kids who "learn differently". The heart of the camp is to serve kids who often have had negative camp experiences in the past due to behavioral and social problems resulting from various special needs. Charis Hills desires to show kids the grace and acceptance ("charis") of Christ and be a part of imparting His joy in their lives. After a week of training, camp will begin, and I will be there until August 17th. This summer is going to be full of challenges and unique experiences, and I am anticipating all that God will do. I appreciate your prayers, and I would love to hear from you over the summer about any ways that I can pray for you. I will be more difficult to get a hold of by phone or email, but not absolutely impossible. You may also write me, and I REALLY WANT TO WRITE YOU!!!! Please, message me with your mailing address and I will do my best to send you a letter this summer. If you want to write me, my mailing address will be

Tamara Stringer
PO Box 58
Castell, TX 76831

If you want to check out Charis Hills the website is www.charishills.org

You are all dear to me, and I can't tell you how in so many ways you have been a part of shaping where I am today. You will be in my thoughts and prayers this summer. Please keep me in your's.

Singleness

I'm still not completely sure about posting this, but I am stepping out on faith because I feel that possibly there are some who need to hear it... As always, read at your own risk. This is pretty personal, but if it benefits someone else, then I'm willing to risk it. So, fresh from the journal, here it is:

I just finished watching "Becoming Jane" with my roommates. Supposedly the movie is based on the adult life story of Jane Austen, though I have heard that there is a great deal of inaccuracy in the film. Nonetheless, the reality of Jane Austen's singleness remains. In the past year or so, I have wrestled with the possibility of a lifetime of singleness. I have thought about the distinct possibility of never becoming a wife, never becoming a mother, never having a family of "my own". The thought is saddening in many ways, as I do dream of waking up next to my husband, snuggling with my children while watching Saturday morning cartoons, and having a home with hallmarks of our family adventures displayed in frames and memorabilia around my house. However, I have faced the reality that not everyone has the opportunity to enjoy marriage in their lifetime. They instead are blessed with singleness. This makes them no less of a complete human being as some would pressure to say, holding the notion that without having sex you are not truly a man or a woman. Christ was fully man and He never had sexual intercourse. He was complete. He is complete. There is nothing "wrong" with someone just because they are single. How often we portray otherwise. How sad. Something sinks in my stomach when I hear someone tell me it is "okay" that I am not dating or nearing marriage, as if I might even have Biblical cause to believe otherwise. The truth is, it will be "okay", rather even "ordained", if I never marry at all. Recently, I have had several people say, "You're going to be such a great mom". I smile and say "Maybe," less because I doubt that I could be a great parent, but because I do not know and am choosing not to assume that I will be a parent at all. If that's what God has for me, I will be overjoyed. But, I recognize that there is no less potential of genuine joy in the single life than in the married life, because Christ is my joy, and I may enjoy Him with or without marriage to a man. How amazing. Oh Jesus, be my joy. You are my joy. You are my joy. You are my joy. You are my JOY. I will choose You no matter if I am blessed with a man to become one with in marriage or not. May I never think that my life is any less without someone to wake up next to. My heart breaks at the thought of never being married, but God, may Your will be done in my life. I know that You use both married and single people for Your purposes, and I will praise Your name no matter if I am single or married. I trust You, sweet Jesus. "The LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly" (Psalm 84:11). I trust You and know that You will orchestrate my life in whatever way gives the most glory to YOU. Let it be so, Lord. Let it be so.

Every good thing is from Him and He withholds no good thing from those who earnestly seek Him

"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of firstfruits among His creatures." ~James 1:17-18 (NASB)

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created." ~James 1:17-18 (NIV)

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts, How blessed is the man who trusts in You! " ~Psalm 84:11-12 (NASB)

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in You." ~Psalm 84:11-12 (NIV)

Pursuing My Pleasure

Through studying both Jeremiah and listening to/reading some of the words of John Piper, I have been continually confronted by and confirmed in the truth that God's fame and renown are made large in my life as I pursue my pleasure in Him. When I find my pleasure in Him, I show Him to be great. The devastating truth is that far too often we are too easily pleased and satisfied with cheap imitations of pleasure rather than seeking the eternal satisfaction that Christ is. Both today in the Highland College Ministry study of Jeremiah and a message that I listened to by Piper, the heartbreaking verses of Jeremiah 2:12-13 were employed. Check em out:
"'Be appalled, O heavens, at this, And shudder, be very desolate,' declares the LORD. 'For my people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, to hew for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water.'"
How deceived we are in thinking that any satisfaction we may receive from something else can compare to the satisfaction that is found in God Almighty. All joy and satisfaction is found in Him, and it is a devastating and desolate reality felt by the heavens when we forsake Him and seek to create our own means of satisfaction in other things. Oh, may we see and embrace the truth that He is the well that never runs dry instead of foolishly digging and toiling and trying to hold brackish run-off in a broken cistern.

Jeremiah

Today at church we began a series on Jeremiah. I'm really excited about getting into the Old Testament as I have found that I have studied it less and less through the years and really desire to know God's word more fully. The whole Bible is about Jesus. He was there before coming to earth as a man, and the power of God Almighty and His character remains throughout the New Testament, the Old Testament, to this day, and forever. As we read today in Jeremiah I thought of the sad reality that people do not fear God. I do not mean fear Him as a super-power looking for an opportunity to strike them dead, but fear Him in awe and reverence because He does HAVE that power, yet He chose to take His wrath out on His Son and show US mercy. Whoa. God could choose and rightfully so to extinguish us when we run from Him and His glory. But He doesn't. God is just, though, and He did not and does not excuse sin. The penalty for sin is death. The beautiful thing is that the penalty was paid through the death of Christ on the cross. God's people saw the discipline of the Lord in the time of Jeremiah. But they also saw His mercy. I'm excited about what is to come in the next few weeks!

Since I've been gone...

I know. I may as well stop saying I'll be better about blogging, because I just haven't been. This semester has been incredible, and I'm shocked that I only have one more semester left before I have a diploma in my hand. Then what?!? I've had countless people ask me that question, and truthfully, though unusually, I don't have a plan. I'm not stressed about it. God has honestly given me a peace that He is in control and I should not worry because He is powerful and faithful to work for my good, which is being completely dependent on Him. There are options, but no option is at this point necessarily more concrete than any other. I know that as I earnestly seek Him, I will bring Him glory when the time for a decision comes. At this point, I'm just enjoying Him and waiting and seeking and praying. Though the time seems so short in many ways, there is a great deal to come before I graduate :o). I cannot wait to see what He brings in that time.... I hope that you are being satisfied as God is glorified in your life. Great is the Glory of the Lord.