Singleness

I'm still not completely sure about posting this, but I am stepping out on faith because I feel that possibly there are some who need to hear it... As always, read at your own risk. This is pretty personal, but if it benefits someone else, then I'm willing to risk it. So, fresh from the journal, here it is:

I just finished watching "Becoming Jane" with my roommates. Supposedly the movie is based on the adult life story of Jane Austen, though I have heard that there is a great deal of inaccuracy in the film. Nonetheless, the reality of Jane Austen's singleness remains. In the past year or so, I have wrestled with the possibility of a lifetime of singleness. I have thought about the distinct possibility of never becoming a wife, never becoming a mother, never having a family of "my own". The thought is saddening in many ways, as I do dream of waking up next to my husband, snuggling with my children while watching Saturday morning cartoons, and having a home with hallmarks of our family adventures displayed in frames and memorabilia around my house. However, I have faced the reality that not everyone has the opportunity to enjoy marriage in their lifetime. They instead are blessed with singleness. This makes them no less of a complete human being as some would pressure to say, holding the notion that without having sex you are not truly a man or a woman. Christ was fully man and He never had sexual intercourse. He was complete. He is complete. There is nothing "wrong" with someone just because they are single. How often we portray otherwise. How sad. Something sinks in my stomach when I hear someone tell me it is "okay" that I am not dating or nearing marriage, as if I might even have Biblical cause to believe otherwise. The truth is, it will be "okay", rather even "ordained", if I never marry at all. Recently, I have had several people say, "You're going to be such a great mom". I smile and say "Maybe," less because I doubt that I could be a great parent, but because I do not know and am choosing not to assume that I will be a parent at all. If that's what God has for me, I will be overjoyed. But, I recognize that there is no less potential of genuine joy in the single life than in the married life, because Christ is my joy, and I may enjoy Him with or without marriage to a man. How amazing. Oh Jesus, be my joy. You are my joy. You are my joy. You are my joy. You are my JOY. I will choose You no matter if I am blessed with a man to become one with in marriage or not. May I never think that my life is any less without someone to wake up next to. My heart breaks at the thought of never being married, but God, may Your will be done in my life. I know that You use both married and single people for Your purposes, and I will praise Your name no matter if I am single or married. I trust You, sweet Jesus. "The LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly" (Psalm 84:11). I trust You and know that You will orchestrate my life in whatever way gives the most glory to YOU. Let it be so, Lord. Let it be so.